“Unsollicited advice is usually bad advice”

Often people ask me about helping people. Because they not just want to, need to, but feel like they have to at times.

When people tell them about things, the advice just starts to bubble to the surface. It is very hard to keep inside.

This is my little pitch about why it really is better to hold it in anyway.

I am sharing this from personal experience.

Recently I mentioned a problem I am having to a friend of mine. His immediate response was to recommend a specific product to me, explaining why it would help. It was a product he himself was currently experimenting with for a problem of a different category.

I tried it out – I would have tried anything at this point – and it had zero effect. Reflecting on it, I recognized I hadn’t asked for a suggestion. He had simply mentioned something he was working with and thought it might apply to my situation as well. It didn’t, because I had not gone into detail about what was going on, and the product was not applicable in my case.

This experience demonstrated for me why unsolicited advice doesn’t work – because it is not tuned in. It is not a collaboration. It is usually the product of a projection and an assumption.

“I believe this is right, so you should see it the same way.”

The intention is usually deeply benevolent. There is love in wanting to be of service to the other. But we can only be of service when the other invites us in. When they open their inner world to us and share all the details of what is going on. We can be of service by listening and holding space for them. Simply saying, “I hear you and recognize your feelings.”

Advice can and should only be given when the other draws it out of us. That is what waiting for the invitation means. The other person opens their heart, we open ours, and we synchronise the beat of our hearts. Then we are listening to the same music and when we follow the rhythm, the wisdom of what can happen next comes to the surface.

It is not about “I think you should do this.” It is about being a voice for the other person’s higher wisdom.

We can voice something that their own mind and emotions may currently be too crowded with possibilities to be aware of.

The words we speak are not our own. They come through us. We are an instrument that the other plays to be able to hear their inner music echoed back to them.

Our only job is to keep our own instrument tuned so that we don’t distort the message that wants to come through.

Would you like to learn more about how this works for you? Join me for a reading of your Human Design at: eraani.nl/readings.

Or tune your instrument in my Living Your Design Initiation: eraani.nl/initiatie.

Comment with your questions or send me a message below.